Well. Wow! What can I say, it’s been one heck of a rollercoaster ride. Most of you got my last update which narrated my unfortunate ordeal with housing in Toronto. Thank God that’s over – and I find myself residing at 458 Jones Avenue. I always feel so ‘normal’ writing that address. Jones. Keeping up with the Joneses. But it’s not really a name like Sinclair, or Morning Glory Lane (the name of the street my Aunt and Uncle lived on for so many years in West DePere, Wisconsin – I always liked the name of their street) but Jones… so normal. Anyway, that’s where I am, being normal in a one bedroom apt. converted from a Victorian style house. A woman downstairs, that I never see, and my cute Irish landlord upstairs, most of the time… where he is when he’s not here, I don’t think I want to know, but that’s another story… it’s actually better when he doesn’t come ‘home’ – I hear his every move, walking back and forth on his newly installed hardwood floors. I hear him come in in the middle of the night, the door squealing from the tight seal which swells with the warmer weather, so I’ve learned. Anyway, I’m so happy and grateful to be all set up in my own apt! It’s a bit lonely at times, but I tell ya, those kitties give me cuddles right when I need them most.

My neighborhood leaves something to be desired, but I think I can tolerate it for a year. If I go even two blocks west, the neigborhood improves. It’s not like it’s bad, like in LA, where the variance from one block to the next can dictate your safety. But it’s just sort of yucky. It’s the city. No grass to speak of except in the parks, of which there are plenty. I think Parks & Rec in Toronto must be pretty well funded. Most of the houses are Victorian and divided into rental units. They are very historic looking. At least I’m not faced with those horrible stucco apt. complexes of the 60’s and 70’s in California. As I stroll along to the bus or subway, I try to look at what is pretty. The overall image is not pretty, but individually each house has it’s own character, and you can see that it’s evident the tenants are trying to make them look nice, little flower pots, or a rocking chair on the porch. Some have quite nice gardens as modest as they are. A lot of remodeling, the neighborhood is on the up and coming list.

My walk to the subway station is about 8 minutes at a swift pace, which I suspect will get even swifter as the weather begins to chill. The subway – whew! Now that’s an adjustment. They call it rush hour, but I suspect it should be called crush hour. Like “finding parking one day at a time”, which became my mantra the last few months in Glendale, “riding the subway one day at a time” is my mantra here. “I can do this for a year”, I tell myself. It’s GROSS. Prior to arrival, I was told Toronto has one of the best subway systems in the world. Well that may be the case, but “best” to me, well I guess I was envisioning riding the subway with a bunch of business people. Not! I am sorry but whew! They (the business people) must take taxis or drive… cuz they aren’t on the subway sans the occasional Italian suit. I won’t go into who is on the subway, for fear of sounding completely snobbish and condescending. Let’s just say… whew! It’s been hard. GROSS! People touching those poles to hold on as it winds around underground curves and often slams to a halt, I’ve resorted to wearing editor’s gloves – I call them my subway gloves – I think I’m starting a trend. Anyway, yes, on some level, it beats driving and finding parking, and parking tickets of which I’ve already gotten two! They say Torontonians that do drive, budget $1,000 a year for tickets, because the signs are so confusing – and I thought it was me. So it beats, on some level, driving, but it’s hard.

Okay, so the big question? How is school going? Oh my god! Whew! Another huge adjustment. A lot of deep breathing here with the “whews” because that’s all I can come up with to express what I would otherwise require expletives. So whew! Okay, I studied a year in Sweden during my junior year of college. I know this was - oh shoot, I’m really aging myself here, over 20 years ago.. but that was my reference point. I thought it would be all organized and they’d introduce us to the culture of Canada, and teach us about the social government, and organize weekend trips for us, and that we would all get along… ! Well, I have my theories on why that is not happening, the main one I suppose that we are Grad Students. They are not going to hold our hands. They’ve made that perfectly clear. We are here on a mission. And frankly I’ve been hit on the head, hard. It’s like bootcamp for the history of photography (of which I know nothing and focusing on theory, not a big fan of theory), at least this is the content of the first semester. They offered no introductory course on Canadian Government or assimilating on foreign (albeit North American) soil. It’s like throwing us in the deep end and it’s either learn to swim or drown. No other choice. That’s it. Right now I am still treading water. No Gold Medal here, I’m sorry to say. I am so overwhelmed with work and subject matter that I can hardly think. Maybe that’s the secret in having me not so upset about riding the gross subway, I’m too zombied to care. Hey, that was tricky of them.

So that should explain why I haven’t written in so long. I’m exhausted. I’m behind in my reading. I’m not the top of the class, and I’m trying so hard to keep up with everything. Is this grad school? What was I thinking? No one told me… I thought I would have time to work on MY albums, and my clients and write and produce the yearbook, and work on old projects…. Hmmm? What was I thinking? I am clueless. I haven’t been clueless in a long time. It’s tough on my ego. My emotions are not in check.

So forgive me if my “updates” become farther and farther apart. I’m trying but there is just no time. What gets me is that I’m spending every minute I can reading and studying, but still just treading water. I’m baffled. Perplexed. In a quandry.

Socially, there is no time for anything. I’ve made one friend here, that is in the group, Little Megan (22) from “Philly” as she calls it. She lives near me and she’s keeping me a little sane anyhow with her company. I haven’t really clicked with the rest of the students. I thought I’d waltz in and be Miss Poplular but again, what was I thinking? After a couple of weeks, feeling like the odd one out (I haven’t felt like that since high school, my inner child was awakened with pain), I put it in perspective: Most of them are 15-20 years younger than me. No wonder I’m not in the click… hello! I’ve also been in the working world for more than 20 years, granted in many capacities, but somewhere along the way, women learn it is better to support one another than to one-up each other – they just aren’t there yet. I understand that. So putting the focus back on me, and my mission, which is to get my Masters… has helped. I don’t need to win Miss Congeniality, just be as pleasant as I can and go about my business.

We had a field trip down to Rochester to visit the George Eastman House earlier this month. It was nice. I like Rochester. And GEH is so beautiful. They have a new exhibition documenting George Eastman’s life and career. Walking into the gallery reminded me of why I decided to do this program. That’s what I want to do. Preserve and make beautiful! So the four hour drive there and back, made it worth it to rediscover what I was thinking in coming here!

I guess it sounds like I have typically over-analyzed my situation and my self within my situation – but anyone who knows me, knows how I can analyze anything into a quandry.

I’ll include a couple of pics with this email, and intend on putting up a slide show on the internet soon, so I’ll let you know when I get that done.

By the way, my classes this semester are: History of Photographic Materials, Research Methods, History of Photography I, Photograph Collections. Next semester we’re supposed to take Chemistry… ! Oh god, here me whine then! I’ve already come up with an idea for my thesis project and my advisor (and director of the program) is all over it! I feel validated! I have to start working on it now because it’s huge, imagine that!

Well, I hope to hear from you all and tell me what you are thinking? My thoughts and prayers are with you all even though I won’t have a lot of time to stay in touch. I appreciate your emails now and again to let me know how you are doing and to say hi and offer your support. I could use all I can get.